Raise your hand if you’re currently quarantined with a picky eater or two? I’m raising both hands - can you see me, mama? You’re definitely not alone in this. I see you, and I know this can be really hard. 

If you’ve had a picky eater or a child who’s selective with food, the feeding challenges you’ve had are likely amplified now in our current season of quarantine. 

Some of the challenges you might be facing with your picky eater may include:

• Not having access to the safe foods your child feels comfortable eating

• Increased selectivity and pickiness around food choices

• Lack of routine and structure around food and eating

• Child asking for more snacks but refusing to eat meals

• Needing to rely on electronics to eat (like an iPad or the TV)

• Worries about your child’s health and overall growth

• Child becoming emotionally upset with food or eating

• Concern about food waste

• Worry about lack of variety with food choices

I understand, mama, as I’ve encountered these situations with my own picky eater at home. 

We are navigating parenting and feeding our kids during extraordinary circumstances, and the current pandemic has brought new challenges 

I hope you can give yourself some grace and compassion through this process. Know you’re doing the best you can with the information and resources you have at the time. You’ve never had to feed your kids before under these circumstances, and you may be trying to figure out what works best for your family and with feeding your kids during these times. 

I’d love to offer some guidance and support for you to help decrease the stress you may be feeling about feeding your picky eater and boost your confidence during this time. You’re not alone in this struggle.

Let’s take a look at some strategies you can begin implementing in your home to help decrease the stress of being quarantined with a picky eater, shall we? 

Your Picky Eater is Not the Problem

To begin, it’s important to address some of the feeding challenges your child may be facing from your child’s point of view. 

You might get frustrated your child will eat so few foods, especially when your food options might be more limited. Or maybe you’re experiencing more food waste than normal with all the foods your kids AREN’T eating. Or maybe you’re feeling exhausted from the constant food preparation all day long and just - can’t - handle - another - snack - request. 

I get it, mama. We’re navigating through difficult times, and you’re having to learn how to feed and care for your children under challenging circumstances. As a parent, you’re also carrying your own anxieties and fears. Stressors are piling up faster than the laundry, and each day brings its own sense of uncertainties. 

You’ve been at home with your kiddos, trying to juggle multiple responsibilities while maintaining a sense of structure and normalcy. 

But these days and routines you’re trying to adapt to are NOT normal. Meaning, it’s not normal to be socially isolated from the people you love or to face so many unknowns on a daily basis. 

During these times, you might feel hyper-aware of your child’s eating habits. Whatever feeding challenges you were facing before this pandemic have now become amplified, making this time particularly tense. 

I wish I could reach across this computer screen and give you a giant hug.  But of course, because of social distancing, it might seem like we’re worlds apart. Whatever the distance between you and me, I want you to know I understand what you’re going through and the unique challenges you might be facing with a picky eater. 

No matter what things have looked like for you, in terms of feeding your kids and your family, I hope you can see the amazing mom you are. To continue to care for your family under such extraordinary circumstances is just incredible. I’m cheering you on and standing with you in solidarity. 

I also want you to take a moment to step into your child’s shoes. 

Reasons Why Your Child May Be Having Feeding Challenges

When outside circumstances feel out of control, children will look for tangible things they can control to create some sense of normalcy. 

I think about my own children and all the changes they’ve been through recently: 

• Abrupt routine changes

• Not being able to go to school

• Not being able to see their friends or family

• Not being able to visit favorite places around the neighborhood, like the park and zoo

• Safe spots are off limits, like the playground or neighborhood playdates

• Being asked to quickly adapt to new things, like virtual school

• Their usual support system is unavailable

Phew. I know your kids are experiencing the same thing. This is hard for all of us.

Even younger children can sense when routines have shifted or simply pick up on the anxieties that we’re all feeling. 

Many children may feel a sense of danger but unable to express what they’re experiencing. 

Again, all of this can play a role in the feeding challenges your child may be exhibiting. 

Your child may be regressing into feeding challenges not present for quite some time.

Or your child may be exhibiting struggles with eating that haven’t been there before.  

During these stressful times and extraordinary circumstances, it’s important to remember kids process emotions differently than we do as adults. 

Many kids (especially younger ones) may have no way of expressing their emotions and what they’re experiencing outside of their behavior. 

It’s not uncommon for kids to regress into emotional and behavioral challenges under stress.

Here are some ways you might see a child express what she is experiencing or needing emotionally through her food:

For example, a child who’s acting out or having a tantrum may be expressing emotions they are feeling but don’t know how to identify. 

Similarly, a child who is having trouble with tastes or textures may be really communicating she feels uncomfortable - perhaps beyond the food itself. 

A child who is gravitating toward a few select foods is looking for a sense of comfort and reliability. 

A child who is outright refusing to eat or engaging in mealtime power struggles may be trying to create some sense of autonomy or independence for herself, especially if she feels like she’s lacking this in other areas.

When a child’s outside circumstances are disrupted, she may look for something she can tangibly control. Food is often one of those things that a child learns she can tangibly control. 

She might not have a say about whether or not she gets to go to school or see her friends during this quarantine season, but she can certainly stake her ground about what she will or won’t eat. 

Or he may not be able to handle more challenging situations right now with all the increased emotions that are in play, so more complex foods (including tastes and textures) are just off limits right now.

Especially during these times, your child may be experiencing increased feeding challenges potentially triggered by outside factors such as:

-Picking up on parents’ anxieties and stressors

-Abrupt change in routine - looking for comfort and safety in food choices

-Hyperaware of tastes/textures: some may feel too intense right now

- Child feeling more pressure to eat (we might unintentionally create more pressure for our child to eat due to fear of food waste, lack of variety or overall nutrition)

- Lack of bodily autonomy or independence or feelings of incompetence

With that being said, it’s important to understand this: picky eating is NOBODY’S fault - not yours, not your child’s. Nor should it be seen as a fault to begin with. Increased selectivity with eating or challenges with food is not your child acting out or trying to upset you. 

There are many different factors at play that might make eating hard for your child right now. 

If your child is struggling to eat right now, the first step to helping her is to recognize the eating challenges may be present and focusing on creating an environment to help her through these challenges. 

This type of perspective can help your picky eater improve her relationship with food, especially during this time of increased circumstantial challenges. 

There is typically an underlying reason influencing your child’s eating difficulties. Please know picky eating doesn’t reflect poorly on your parenting skills or the child you’re raising. You might feel like a failure with the feeding challenges your child is facing, but there are many factors at play here - many which may be outside your control. 

I say this because I’m hopeful you can give yourself and your child some empathy through this process. It’s HARD to face these feeding challenges with your child. Be encouraged: you’re doing the best you can, and there are tools to help support you and your family through these situations. 

The last thing you need to do is be unnecessarily hard on yourself or your child. Sometimes, with food and eating, it’s easy to hold ourselves and our kids to unrealistic expectations.

Regression into feeding challenges can also mean that your child isn’t able to handle what you’re asking of her, whether it’s eating a certain amount or trying different foods. She might not have the words to express this, so she’s showing you through her behaviors at mealtimes.

Unrealistic eating expectations (especially during a more stressful season) can create pressure and feelings of failure when those expectations aren’t meant. 

Maybe you think you have to be crafting homemade meals to offer your child a variety of foods right now? 

Or maybe you feel like your child should be eating more fruits and vegetables and less processed foods? 

Whatever the scenario, unrealistic expectations with food and eating can make things harder for everyone, especially if you have a picky eater at home. 

Maybe the way you’d like to see your child eating now is just not feasible for them at this point in time. 

It’s important to take a step back to see the big picture here. 

Staying Grounded in the Long-Term Goals

When it comes to feeding kids, it’s easy to do so with a specific agenda in mind: like getting your kids to eat certain amounts or types of food. 

Concerns around growth and nutrition often override the more important goals in feeding kids, which is about creating positive mealtime experiences and associations with food. 

If your child doesn’t feel confident with food in general or has negative associations with eating, it’s going to be a lot more challenging for her to meet her nutritional needs. 

This means, we can’t put the cart before the horse when it comes to feeding kids. 

If we’re hyperfocused on nutrition minutiae and getting them to eat certain foods that they’re not ready to eat, this is going to taint their eating experiences, making food more difficult overall. 

Healthy eating habits are not formed around eating so many servings of vegetables and fruits or not eating any processed foods. 

A healthy relationship with food starts with positive associations with eating and in building trust/confidence in one’s own body. This is no different for our kiddos. 

This doesn’t mean nutrition isn’t important. It just can’t be the main GOAL of feeding our kids, otherwise nutrition will suffer. 

A simple way to help yourself create this shift in mindset when feeding your kids is to ask yourself these questions:

Instead of focusing on how much food they ate or what your children ate, ask yourself what did they enjoy about the mealtime? What were some things that helped them build confidence in themselves or their bodies?  

Remember that positive eating experiences are more important than “balanced” eating, and really, balance is just an arbitrary term that looks different for everyone. 

Creating comfort and consistency around food NOW is critical for improving variety and nutrition over time. 

This shift in perspective can help you AND your kids feel more relaxed around food. 

Again, I’m not saying nutrition isn’t important. But if nutrition is the sole goal and purpose of feeding your kids, the power struggles around food and mealtime battles will erupt. 

Even during this time where your child’s food choices might be limited to a few select processed foods, they are likely continuing to meet their nutritional needs. 

Shifting your focus in feeding from getting them to eat certain foods or portions to making eating times more comfortable is a key step to improving long-term food acceptance skills. 

Especially during this time when everything around them has changed, they might be seeking more comfort and autonomy with their food choices, and that is OKAY. 

This season in life will not last forever, and if you can do your part with building a trusting feeding relationship and creating a positive atmosphere with food, you will have done more than enough to ensure your child gets through this time with a strong foundation for their well-being for years to come. 

How can you do this exactly? 

Here are some things you can implement while feeding your picky eater at home, both during this season of quarantine and beyond while staying focused on the big picture:

Tips for Feeding Your Picky Eater During Quarantine

1. Decrease your anxieties around food and eating: 

To help your child feel more relaxed around food and eating, it’s important for YOU to feel relaxed around food and eating. 

Your kids may be picking up on any anxieties or frustrations you may be feeling or exhibiting. Take a step back to understand WHY you're feeling worried or anxious. Are you worried about your child’s growth? Or nutrition intake? 

Putting these things in perspective can help you lessen your anxieties and fears around food for your child. In the majority of cases, kids are able to meet their overall nutrition needs to support their growth, even the most selective of eaters. 

Actual nutrient deficiencies are relatively rare, and many of the foods kids will eat are fortified with vitamins and minerals that meet micronutrient needs. Letting go of any unnecessary nutrition worries will help dissipate the power struggles you may have with your kids. 

Remember to stay grounded in the big picture and the long term goals in order to help your child make progress with eating and have positive associations with food. 

Try to turn off all outside noise which dictates how and what your child should be eating so you can meet your child where she’s at. If you’re able to focus more on how you feed your child (versus WHAT), your child will naturally move toward better and health nutrition outcomes over time. This means you can let go the stressors you’re feeling to let your child experiment with food and to feel more encouraged about coming to the meal table.

2. Focus on positive eating experiences and a trusting feeding relationship: 

The most important thing to focus on is creating pleasant meal time experiences with your child and building a trusting feeding relationship. Any pressure to eat tactics almost always backfire.

A trusting feeding relationship forms when you can focus on your jobs with feeding and trust your child to do her part with eating. This can be hard to form with your children when you try to do their jobs or if you don’t focus on your responsibilities with feeding. 

So for all practical purposes, what does this look like? It means going back to basics and remembering your child is born with the innate programming needing to regulate her intake. This means her food choices and decisions are largely guided by internal regulators which support an intake that will best meet her individual growth and nutrition needs. 

The problems tend to rise when we question how or what our child eats or we try to get them to eat in a way which aligns with what we think they should eat. What your child might actually eat is likely very different from the way you think your child should eat. 

But it’s not your child’s job to eat in alignment with your ideas. It’s your child’s job to eat in alignment with what feels best in her body, even if it's different from your expectations. 

Because at the end of the day, the only person living in your child’s body is your child, and only she knows what feels best for her in any given meal or snack. This holds true even when your child doesn’t want to eat anything at a meal time, when your child might eat very little or doesn’t want to eat any vegetables. 

The minute you try to cross out of your lane and try to do your child’s job, like get them to eat or bribe them to eat certain foods (like their veggies), you’ve created a prime breeding ground for power struggles. 

Letting go of your expectations around food to let your child do their part with eating is one of the most powerful and difficult things you can do. It requires letting go of your own hidden agenda and a tremendous amount of TRUST in your child’s innate ability to eat. 

Your child WANTS to eat. Your child is programmed to eat and to eat the right amounts and types of food to help them grow and thrive. This can’t happen if you’re trying to micromanage their intake. 

Give them the space to eat and explore food in a safe and nurturing environment, and focus on your jobs with feeding. Your jobs with feeding include deciding what and when to serve meals and snacks. Your child’s job with eating is to decide: 1) whether or not they want to eat, and 2) how much they want to eat. 

Research has found that a responsive feeding relationship enhances a child’s ability to consume a nutritionally adequate diet and to regulate appropriately the quantity eaten

3. Incorporate at least one safe food for your child at each meal: 

When you’re thinking about your jobs with feeding your child, there comes the question of what to serve them. This can be the question many parents feel stuck on, especially if there’s a picky eater involved. Should you just continue to serve them the few foods they’re willing to eat? 

Should you even try to serve foods they’ve previously rejected? Especially during this pandemic, food options may not be once they once were, and this can be an underlying stressor for many families when trying to put meals together. 

My recommendation is to continue offering your family a variety of foods when possible. It’s important to not cave into your child’s every wants and wishes when it comes to food; it's just not realistic - especially when you have multiple kids. 

Trying to please everyone at mealtime is a surefire way to lose your sanity, and I know you’ve already got enough stress on your plate as it is, mama. Instead, think about putting together meals with the foods your family generally enjoys eating. 

There’s one caveat here, though. You want to make sure to routinely include at least 1 to 2 food components with meals that are safe for your picky eater. Again, you want to help your child feel comfortable at meal times so she can have positive associations with eating. 

In order to do this, it’s important to be considerate of her preferences while not catering to whatever she’s wanting to eat in the moment. You can do this by providing a safe option alongside the meal you’ve prepared for your family. 

For example, let’s say you want to have grilled chicken with salad and baked beans, and you know your child may not likely eat these foods. That is okay. 

You don’t need to prepare something entirely different for your child. Instead, think about what other food components your child does feel safe with you can serve alongside this meal the rest of your family will be eating. 

This can be something as simple as bread and butter, fruit, and/or milk. Think about the neutral foods for your child and the things your picky eater generally feels more comfortable with. When your child can come to the table and identify at least one thing she feels safe eating, she’ll feel more relaxed about food. 

Just remember, the most important thing here is your child isn’t being pressured, tricked, coerced or bribed to eat anything else she’s not comfortable with. Even if she only goes for her safe food and eats only that - this is OKAY. Being pressured to eat the other foods will only create distrust and fear, and again, this is where the power struggles begin. 

This is where you’re going to have to put the blinders up to what she’s eating so you can stay focused on keeping the mealtime positive. She shouldn’t even need to put other foods on her plate unless she does so on her terms. Which brings me to my next point.

4. Family meals with family style: 

If you have a picky eater at home, I’d highly encourage you to try serving meals family style, where you basically put out the foods being served in the center of the table and allow everyone to serve themselves. 

Now, I understand logistically this can be challenging for many reasons. Especially with bigger families and multiple kids, it can feel like a mad dash to serve and plate the food. But ideally, with repetition, you’ll get into a smooth system that flows more efficiently. 

The main benefit of serving meals family style is it empowers your children to explore food on their terms and takes off any pressure to eat certain foods or quantities. When I share this with parents, a common response I get is, “But what if they don’t put any vegetables on their plate? Or protein? Or what if all they want to eat is the bread?” 

This brings me back to my earlier point: Your child needs to have the freedom to choose to eat what she wants from the foods you have provided and made available for any given meal. If you’re trying to get your child to eat in a “balanced” way, you’re going to get stuck in a vicious cycle which will frustrate both you and your child. 

We can’t measure a child’s nutrition in one meal. Any given meal is simply a snapshot of how they eat. Research has shown kids are more likely to meet their nutritional needs over the course of weeks and months. 

If you’re trying to micromanage what your child eats by plating their food, it’s important to step back and ask yourself why. Is your hidden agenda interfering with your child’s ability to explore food on her terms? 

Allowing your child to plate her own food can help her build her confidence with food and in herself, which is essential for building a positive relationship with food. Not to mention, this is also helpful for developing fine motor skills. 

So let your child decide what she wants to eat from the food you’ve provided and to plate the food of her choosing. Of course, use your judgment and help your child as needed with certain dishes, etc. Serving meals family style can be an important tool for raising a competent eater and for helping your picky eater gain more confidence with food. 

5. Establish structured routine with meals and food: 

Sometimes structure can feel confining, but kids actually thrive with routine. Having predictability around food can help them feel safe. When everything else in their lives have drastically changed due to the pandemic, it’s important to create a sense of reliability in other areas. 

Knowing that there is regular and consistent access to food can help your child feel safe and more relaxed about food in general. The important thing to remember is structure doesn’t mean rigidity or inflexibility. 

It’s more about having a general framework that you can follow so kids understand that food is always in their future. I know that this can be easier said than done with everything that’s currently happening in our world. 

Just do the best you can with the resources you have. Having somewhat of a routine around food throughout the day also helps take out guesswork around when the next snack or meal is. 

So if your kids are constantly asking for snacks, you can just defer them to when the next snack might be coming. For example, you might say something to the extent of, “The kitchen is closed right now, but after nap time, we’re going to be having a snack.” 

This is easier to do when your kids understand that there is a rhythm and routine to their meals and snacks through the day: it helps take out some of the chaos around food. If you need more help with creating a meal time routine for your family, check out this post here for some more information: “Build Healthy Habits For Kids With a Feeding Schedule”

6. Create safe opportunities for your child to have food exposure with no pressure to eat: 

Repeated exposure to food without any pressure to actually eat food is essential for helping your child build more confidence and comfortability with eating. This is especially important for kids who might be pickier eaters or more selective with the foods they do eat. 

Creating opportunities for your child to interact with food without necessarily eating it or being at mealtimes can go a long way. For example, you can invite your child to help you in the kitchen with meal prep, wash fruits and veggies, organize the pantry or fridge, etc. 

Even talking about food or seeing it in other neutral settings can be helpful, like reading books about food, coloring pictures of food, or even playing with food (real or pretend). 

These are all ways that your child is building positive exposures that will help increase her confidence with eating. The key is to keep these experiences neutral and to not interject any hidden agendas. 

As much as possible, let your child explore foods in these different scenarios while remaining neutral in your guidance, language, and direction. 

Your child might be eager to help you in the kitchen or excited about preparing meals, but this doesn’t necessarily mean they’re going to eat that food. Eating is not the end goal in itself. The main goal is for your children to feel more comfortable and confident with food and their bodies and to have positive food experiences which inform a healthy relationship with food. 

These things can support you in your feeding journey with your child, during this season and beyond quarantine as well. 

You’re Doing a Great Job

These times are stressful and hard, for you and your kiddos alike. I hope that some of these tips and suggestions can help take out some of the stress around food and eating so that you and your family can enjoy more positive and peaceful mealtime experiences. 

Most of all, please know that you’re not alone throughout your journey. 

If you’re interested in more individualized support, you can connect with me today or get on the waitlist below for my upcoming virtual workshop below, “How to Confidently Feed Your Picky Eater”. 

I’m cheering you on, mama!

What questions do you have about this, or where might you find yourself struggling with your picky eater? Let me know in the comments below!