If you notice your children eager to eat any sweets put in front of them, does this bring up any concern for you? Maybe you’re worried about your kids eating too much sugar or concerned that your child seems obsessed with sweets.

Have you ever caught your child sneaking sweets or found your child eating sweets in secret? Have you come across empty wrappers or found something you just purchased from the store completely gone? 

Or maybe you’re at a birthday party or family function where special sweets or desserts are available, and those seem to be the only thing your child is primarily concerned about. Your child might seem preoccupied with sweets to the point that it leaves little room to focus on anything else. 

Maybe you’re faced with endless requests for sweets and candy that leave you overwhelmed and frustrated. You might begin to wonder, “Is my child addicted to sugar?”, or “Are sweets something we’ll ever be able to move beyond?”

Whatever crossroads you might find yourself in with your child when it comes to sweets and sugar, I want you to know you’re not alone, and you’re certainly not crazy. And you know what? Your child isn’t abnormal because they show a high interest in sweets, nor are they going to grow up to be unhealthy or to ruin their life completely. 

In fact, there are likely a few key reasons why your child may be showing signs of sugar obsession, and the good news is these things can all be remedied, no matter what your situation might be. 

Excitement around sweets is one thing, but if your child seems preoccupied with sugar to the point that there is little interest in other foods, this may be a red flag.

First, let’s look at some signs that your child may have an unhealthy obsession with sweets. 

Your child may show some of these common signs:

• Frequently needing assurance about the next time sweets will be offered or available

• Repeated requests for more sweets after eating what was allowed or portioned

• Tantrums or meltdowns when sweets are refused or denied

• Conversation primarily circles around sweets and desserts

• Child shows an interest in sweets, baking and/or preparing desserts

• Displaying anxiousness or fear around having sweets

• Sneaking sweets or eating sweets out of sight of primary caregivers

• Hoarding or collecting sweets in secret spots

• Showing visible distress if sweets or desserts are not available

• Overeating or binging on sweets if they are available, appearing to eat in an out-of-control fashion

These signs can be concerning to observe in your child, and you may be wondering why these patterns or behaviors are occurring. 

Many parents and caregivers may take deliberate steps to prevent a child from having access to sweets as a result of these behaviors, though they tend to find these measures may only backfire. For example, hiding sweets, locking them up, keeping them out of the house, or storing them out of sight may only seem to make a child more obsessive and preoccupied with sweets. 

A common misinterpretation of a child showing these types of behaviors is to blame the foods themselves or to assume something might be wrong with the child. This is why parents might resort to measures that attempt to control the food or to minimize the number of interactions a child may have with it. 

However, in my experience in working with children dealing with these behaviors, I’ve actually found something quite different. 

3 Reasons Your Child May Be Obsessed With Sweets

While there are certainly some nuances in this area, the most common culprits that trigger obsessiveness around sweets typically have to do with one or more of these three key factors:

1. Frequency: How often the child might be getting access to sweets

2. Consistency: The regularity of which a child gets access to sweets

3. Quantity: The amount or portion of sweets a child may need to eat to feel satisfied. 

From my experience, when we look a little closer at these key areas, we tend to find one or more of these factors that might be off for a child. 

For example, a child may get frequent access to sweets - a few pieces of candy here and there, or a scoop of ice cream every once in a while. But if a child never gets opportunities to eat desserts in a quantity that actually feels satisfying and doesn’t just leave them hungry for more, this can leave them wondering and waiting about the next time they get to experience sweets. 

As another example, if a child is given sweets on occasion or as rewards for good behavior, the lack of consistency with access to sweets can also leave them feeling anxious and wondering/asking about the next time they might be able to eat sweets. The same can be true of the frequency with which a child has access to sweets. 

If sweets are only given on special occasions, they will feel more special to a child, and children naturally gravitate towards things that feel scarce or rare. 

This can also put a child in a “feast or famine” type of mentality, where they’ll eat sweets whenever they get access to them, not necessarily because they are enjoying them, but more so because of fear they won’t get access to them again. As the saying goes: “You better get while the getting’s good!”. 

Supporting a Child’s Internal Drive to Eat

But to zoom out a bit, I want to help you see the bigger picture here.

Children are born with and have innate capabilities to self-regulate their appetites and intake of all foods, including sweets and desserts. 

Children want to eat based on internally driven factors: they want to feel satisfaction, safety and pleasure in eating. They want to eat what their bodies need to support their growth and development. 

And what we see from research is that when children are given a supportive approach to food, they’re better able to self-regulate their intake to support their bodies’ individual growth needs and development. 

However, kids can move away from these internally motivated eating drives when external rules are imposed on them. This is especially true of desserts. 

Externally driven eating rules include things like: 

-A child is only allowed to eat dessert after eating vegetables from dinner first

-Desserts are only allowed after eating dinner or on special occasions

-Desserts are only given in small quantities, comparatively to other foods

As parents, we often resort to rule-based eating primarily because of fear or even confusion around how certain foods might affect our children. 

This is especially true of sweets. 

Sweets are demonized in a culture as the culprit of poor physical health, child obesity, type 2 diabetes, bad behavior and more - the list goes on! And of course, no parent wants these things for their children, so rules are created around how, where, when and how much of these foods (sweet foods) are allowed or not allowed. 

The problem with rule-based eating is that it moves a child away from eating for internally based reasons to now eating based on external rules. 

Feelings of scarcity around sweets, which can be triggered due to lack of frequency, inconsistent with access, or by continually offering quantities of sweets that feel meager or inadequate to promote satisfaction, can invoke an obsession with desserts that can lead to compulsive, erratic behaviors around sugar (much like the behaviors described earlier). 

In fact, these behaviors, driven by a scarcity mentality around sweets, can lead to eating based on external factors, rather than eating guided by internal regulators. 

Meaning, when a child feels scarcity around sweets, they’re more likely to eat them whenever they are available, regardless of what cues their bodies may be telling them. 

And while they do have internal regulators to help guide their hunger and fullness, those signals become overridden in favor of eating something simply because it’s available - the “feast or famine” mentality. 

This is going to make it much harder for your child to eat in accordance with what their bodies need and more likely to overeat desserts and eat in the absence of hunger cues because the fear of missing out on something that feels scarce creates a stronger drive to eat. 

Scarcity around desserts can make it more challenging for a child to learn how to self-regulate their sugar intake because they’re unable to listen to their body cues when competing with the compulsory drive to eat simply because desserts are available. 

This is why you might see a child go crazy eating sweets on holidays or special occasions when they are available or even go the lengths to sneak, hoard and hide sweets - eating them even when they’re not actually hungry. 

Research has also shown that children who are limited and restricted from highly palatable foods (read: desserts) are more likely to overeat and binge eat on sweets over the long term and as adults.

This is compared to children who are given access to highly palatable foods and a supportive structure through which they learn how to self-regulate all foods. 

Approaching desserts in this manner with children allows them to feel more relaxed with eating desserts and better able to self-regulate their intake, making food decisions guided by internal regulators, not from external reasons or fear around food not being available in the future. 

So if you’re worried about sugar obsessive behaviors in your children or you simply want to support them in learning how to have a positive relationship with all foods by creating a supportive environment through which they can learn, it’s important to look at these key components of offering access to sweets:

• Frequency of offering sweets, 

• Consistently offering sweets regularly, and 

• Offering a quantity of sweets that feels satisfying to them.

Let’s take a closer look at these below:

Creating a Supportive and Structured Approach to Sweets

#1: Frequency of Offering Sweets

As alluded to above, if children are needing to constantly guess when the next time they get to enjoy sweets, this will be an automatic trigger for the scarcity of sweets factor and feelings of deprivation around sweets that can drive them to overeat them, even in the absence of true physical hunger. 

One key component to creating a supportive eating environment from which your children can learn how to self-regulate their sugar intake is to offer sweets frequently. 

Now, one key theme you’re going to see me circling back to is this idea of recognizing your own discomfort around sweets and how this might project in the way and manner through which you feed your children. 

Many parents and families I work with feel uncomfortable seeing their children eat desserts or sweets at a higher frequency, and that can vary based on a variety of factors. 

For example, you may have been told to limit sweets and desserts by your doctor at your child’s last well-check, or you might feel uncomfortable with sweets based on your own experiences or history with them. Whatever the reasons, be aware of what may be coming up for you. 

This is important to understand in order to move forward in creating an environment that is more supportive of your child learning how to self-regulate all foods. 

You don’t want any of your own discomfort around sugar or your children eating sweets to deter your children from having the needed opportunities to learn how to self-regulate their sugar intake.

With that being said, how can you adjust the frequency of how often your child is getting access to sweets to help them trust these foods are indefinitely available, therefore, not a scarcity? 

Children need to trust these foods are a regular part of their future in order to not feel anxiety around having access to them. 

Increasing the frequency of how often you provide sweets can also help them establish emotional equality among all foods, not giving more power or desire to desserts over other foods. 

Again, this is important because it helps a child eat for internal reasons (based on individual hunger and satiety cues) rather than external factors (simply because it’s there).

When a child has frequent access to sweets alongside other foods they’re used to seeing and eating, it helps establish an equal playing field for all foods, which makes it easier to listen to what their body needs. 

When kids are used to seeing the dessert portion of their meal served alongside other foods they’re also frequently seeing, like vegetables, grains, proteins, etc. it doesn’t create a hierarchy of those foods in their mind. 

They’re eating based on what feels best in their bodies. This might look like eating all the dessert part of their meal, taking bites of their desserts and eating other foods on their plates, or leaving the dessert behind altogether. 

It will truly vary based on what they’re feeling in their bodies - and that’s the beauty of it, they can begin to self-regulate and listen to their internal cues when there’s no scarcity around desserts because they’re used to seeing them frequently.

How frequently you might need to offer desserts and sweets will vary depending on the individual needs your child may have. 

One indicator to look for is the interest your child may be showing in any certain food, particularly certain desserts and sweets. If your child is showing a high interest in candy, for example, and constantly talking about it and asking for it, this may be an indication your child needs more frequent exposures to candy. 

Keep in mind that all sweet exposures should be done in the context of your child’s meal and snack routine throughout the day. 

Increasing the frequency of access to sweets does NOT mean just giving your child free rein of all the desserts in the house. 

This would also be counterproductive. Your child still needs a supportive structure and approach to sweets, which is why you want to offer alongside meals and snacks. 

As a parent or caregiver you’re still in charge of what and when you’re offering sweets, but it’s important to adjust the frequency according to what your child may need.  You can read more about this here: “7 Practical Reasons to Offer Your Kids Dessert With Dinner”

#2: Consistently of Offering Sweets Regularly

Another key aspect of helping a child build a trust factor around sweets and decreasing any obsession around sweets is creating consistency in offering them regularly. 

So what does this mean exactly?

Consistency with offering sweets means you’re providing them regularly and consistently and not creating any stipulations around them. 

If children are constantly wondering whether or not they’re going to get to eat sweets, or if they have to earn them someone, this can put them on edge around eating desserts. 

Ultimately, when a child can’t trust that sweets are part of their future indefinitely, it creates a sense of insecurity around them, triggering the need to eat them for externally driven reasons (simply because they’re there) rather than according to their individual internal cues. 

An example of creating consistency with sweets might include offering it regularly with a meal or snack of your choosing and deliberately including sweets and desserts as part of the family menu. 

This means you’re not basing whether or not your child gets to have dessert on what they’ve eaten earlier in the day or on their behavior but simply because you’re treating it like all other foods and offering them equally. 

This might look like offering a dessert as part of dinner and allowing your child to self-regulate what they want from the foods you’ve provided, not because they had to do anything to earn it but because you make the conscious choice to include it with the meal.

Consistency with desserts requires a mindset shift in how we view these foods: it’s creating an equal playing field for all food (not because all foods are nutritionally equal, but because we want our children to develop emotional equality with all foods. 

Emotional equality is key for helping your child eat according to internally driven eating cues, not based on externally motivated reasons. 

Creating consistency in your approach to desserts also helps decrease the novelty of desserts. 

When desserts are offered periodically or only for certain reasons, like celebrations, rewards, or even for eating vegetables, this makes desserts more appealing and special. Again, when desserts are more special in a child’s mind, they’re more likely to eat them whenever they’re available, no matter what they’re feeling inside their own bodies. 

When you’re consistent with your dessert approach, you offer them regularly because you decide to, not based on anything your child has or hasn’t done. 

You offer dessert with dinner, not afterward and only if your child has eaten all their vegetables. You also offer it before your child asks so they don't always have to guess when it’s coming next. They trust your consistency with keeping sweets in the home and rotating them equally among all meals and snacks, making any anxiety about eating them subside. 

When there’s consistency in the approach to sweets in the home, this can help children trust these foods are safe, they’re not off-limits, and they have the capacity to learn how to self-regulate their intake of all foods. 

Another important part of consistency is being on the same page as your partner or any other caregivers in the home, particularly when it comes to your approach with sweets and desserts. 

This is important because you don’t want to communicate or send mixed messages to your children. 

If one caregiver allows sweets as part of meals but another caregiver requires vegetables to be eaten before any desserts are offered, this can send confusing messages to children. Getting on the same page as your partner in regards to your approach to desserts can help eliminate unnecessary chaos and confusion about these foods. 

Offering sweets with a meal on some nights and then offering them as rewards on other occasions can make it difficult for children to establish the reliability of desserts being available in the same manner other foods are offered. 

Typically, we tend to push our own eating agendas on our children, which often consists of wanting them to eat all the fruits and vegetables while abstaining from any kind of dessert. This approach is inconsistent in helping children develop emotional equality with all foods. 

Establishing a rhythm around food where sweets are regularly part of the menu, regardless of whatever’s happening in the outside world or how your child is acting and/or eating can help your child be assured they are regularly available, thus decreasing the obsession around them. 

#3: Offering a Quantity That Feels Satisfying

Lastly, another key component to help decrease a child’s obsession with sweets is to offer quantities that feel satisfying to the child. 

So often as caregivers, we can dish out portions of sweets that feel comfortable for us. 

Maybe a couple pieces of candy here and there or a couple cookies with dinner. But for some children, these portions of dessert may feel inadequate, leaving them wanting and desiring more; sometimes, even triggering more obsession around the foods they were offered in the first place. 

This is often an area I see parents getting stuck on the most. 

Many parents may feel like they’re doing their duty by offering sweets frequently and consistently, but this last part of the equation is equally as important.

Children often need portions of sweets in quantities that are greater than what we might expect. 

Now in saying this, there is something important to clarify here. Increasing the amount of sweets you’re offering to your child does NOT mean just giving them a free pass on the whole bag of cookies or candy jar or whatever dessert might be in your home. 

This is taking things to the other extreme and can make sweets more chaotic for you and your child. 

Instead, greater quantities of sweets should be offered to your child strategically within your family’s meal and snack routine, as alluded to earlier. 

More specifically, I recommend using snack times as an opportunity to present a child with greater quantities of desserts to help give them the chances they need to learn how to self-regulate a higher quantity of sweets. 

This may be especially helpful for a child who seems hung up on a certain dessert or sweet food. This is also helpful during times of the year where your child may be exposed to a higher influx of sweets than usually, like candy-centered holidays, including Halloween, Easter and Valentine’s Day. 

If your child is repeatedly asking for the same sweets over and over, this may be a sign that your child needs a chance to have a greater quantity of this particular food, whatever it might be. 

For example, around candy-focused holidays, I intentionally allow snack times where I let my kids have their candy bags and eat as much candy as they please alongside other foods I’ve also offered for snack, like fruit and milk. I know this can sound super scary, but stay with me. 

Many parents worry their children will eat so much candy they get sick. 

But hear me out - children NEED these opportunities to learn how to self-regulate a higher influx of sweets within the context of a safe and supportive environment. 

You create a safe and supportive environment by: 

1) Planning the time, 

2) Planning the snack, 

3) Giving your child unconditional permission to eat what they need, and 

4) Not try to micromanage or police your child while they are eating. 

This might look like putting out some sliced fruit and glasses of milk at snack time on the dining room table and inviting your children in for a snack. 

You give them permission to also bring their candy bags to the table and to eat the candies they’d like from their bag with snack. The only rules I’ve ever given my children during these types of snack times are to stay at the table while eating and to throw away all wrappers and trash when they’re done. 

It also helps if your child can see you enjoying a few pieces of candy alongside them.

But if you find it too unnerving to watch your child dig into their candy bag, you can delegate the duty to someone else or go into the other room. If you’re policing your child in this process, it will only backfire and make them feel less inclined to listen to their own bodies. 

Offering times of higher quantity of sweets is an instrumental part of this equation to help subside a child’s obsession with desserts. 

They need to trust that they will have times to eat quantities that are satisfying to them, no matter how uncomfortable that portion might be to a caregiver. 

I recommend using snack times as these strategic opportunities for higher quantities of sweets and serving portion out sweets with meals so kids can also learn how to eat other foods at mealtimes. 

And there may be times your child inevitably overeats, but you know what? 

THEY WILL BE OKAY. 

When they’re not being policed by their caregivers and allowed to figure this out on their own, they’ll be far more likely to not repeat this again in the future. 

In fact, this happened with one of my daughters a few Halloween’s ago. 

She ate so much candy, she did actually get sick. And as much as I wanted to stop her, I held myself back. I sat with her afterward of course and supported her through it, but I didn’t once try to stop her, police her or reprimand her. And you know what? She’s never repeated an episode like that since. Don’t get me wrong - she still enjoys having candy, but it’s never gotten to the point where she’s made herself sick. 

When kids can trust they’re able to eat candy in quantities that feel satisfying, they can trust these foods aren’t forbidden and will be less likely to obsess about them. 

This area can be the most challenging for parents and caregivers because it directly affects their own feelings and mindsets around sugar. And this is often the area that holds kids back from having a trusting relationship with all foods. 

I can’t stress how important it is to not let your own discomfort around this deter your child from learning how to self-regulate all foods, including sweets. 

Again, the tendency is to dish out sweets in a way that feels more comfortable for us rather than to give what our child needs to feel satisfied. If this is the case for you, I’d encourage you to get curious about your own discomfort in effort to better support your child in building a healthy and positive relationship with all foods. 

It’s not uncommon for our own experiences around sweets to shape the narrative we believe about food, but don’t project something on to your children that may be untrue for them.

I know this can be a tough area. However, it’s an important one to consider if you’re hoping to help your child obsessed with sugar. 

For more on this topic, be sure to check out this post here: “How to Trust Your Kids With Sweets When You’re Uncomfortable With Sugar”

Keeping the Big Picture Goal in Mind

At the end of the day, I know you want to raise a healthy child who has a positive relationship with all foods, including sweets and desserts. Be encouraged, mama. 

Taking these small but powerful steps toward normalizing sugar for your children can support them in decreasing sugar obsession and in building trust in themselves and their innate eating abilities. 

If you’ve previously taken a more restrictive approach to sweets with your children, please give yourself all the grace and compassion in the world. Feeding kids is HARD, and none of us were given a feeding manual when our kids were born. 

On top of which, diet culture has demonized sweets, creating so many myths and untrue narratives about our children and sugar. 

All of these things including your past experiences with sweets and your own relationship with food, can play a role in how you feel about your child eating sweets. You’ve done the best you can with the resources and information you’ve had. 

If you want to move forward in helping your child develop a positive relationship with sweets, consider the 3 main categories we discussed above: Frequency, Consistency and Quantity. Is there one particular area you can focus on? 

Maybe it’s taking a step forward by allowing your child to have desserts with meals or getting consistency in your approach to sweets. Maybe you allow your child the opportunity to have a greater quantity of sweets, even if it’s outside your comfort zone.

Whatever it is, know you don’t walk alone. 

If you need more support and guidance with ending the sugar obsession in your home, be sure to sign up for my upcoming program, Simplify Sweets Academy. You can find out more info about the program here.

What are your questions on this, or what area do you feel stuck in? Let me know your thoughts in the comments below!