At the time of writing this, we’re currently potty training our 5th and youngest child. And let me tell ya - no matter how many times you do it, some things never change. Potty training is still a poopy kind of job - for parents and kids alike. 

And one thing I’ve learned from my own experiences as a mother is the importance of meeting your child where they’re at. When we tried to potty train our kids prematurely, or before they were really ready, things were much tougher for us both. It really has to be on your child’s timeline - not your own, which sometimes requires sacrificing your own hidden agendas, wants, and expectations. 

My first two children are 18 months apart, and when my second daughter was born, I desperately wanted to potty train my oldest so as to somehow avoid having two kids in diapers.

But no matter the methods or what we tried, she just wasn’t ready, and so we threw in the towel and accepted where we were at. Sure enough, when she was around 3 years old, she showed some signs of being ready to potty train, and we jumped back on board. She was fully potty trained in a few days, and that was that. 

All that to say, I understand how challenging and difficult it can be to get through something as potty training. As a mom who has been-there-done-that, I know this is just one of those jobs as parents that’s on the low-end of the totem pole when it comes to parenting. But it has to be done, right? 

Potty Training Rewards

One common approach to making this job a little easier for kids and parents is offering potty training rewards. Meaning, the child is given some kind of reward after going pee or poo in the potty to create positive reinforcement for the behavior. 

Sounds simple enough, right? 

Well, here’s where things can get kind of tricky. And that is when food - namely, sweets - becomes part of the potty training reward system. 

Now, if you’re a parent or caregiver who has fallen back on using sweets or treats as a reward for potty training - please hear me out. 

I want to start by saying that this is not written to shame ANY parent for their choices or decisions. Being a parent is hard enough as it is, and I know you’re doing the very best that you can with the resources and information you have. And like I said, potty training is not exactly a walk in the park. Having something to fall back on that can be motivating or rewarding for a child can seem like a solution to move through the job a little quicker, and easier. 

But this is where I want to share some information for you to consider before you venture down this route.

Why You Shouldn’t Use Food for Potty Training Rewards

Should you use treats when potty training?

I’ve never met a child who doesn’t love sweets, especially candy. And while these can serve as motivators for a child to follow through with a desired behavior - like peeing in the potty - it can set up some negative long-term consequences when it comes to their overall relationship with food. 

One of the big reasons why sweets should be separated from potty training is to preserve a child’s intuitive eating abilities. When sweets are used as a reward, it creates the idea that a child needs to earn these foods through certain behaviors. 

Here are some other reasons why it’s important to avoid using sweets as a reward for potty training: 

1. It can put sweets up on a pedestal:

When sweets are only given as a reward for behavior, there’s a good chance that these foods are given sparingly.

And when sweets are only given on these types of occasions (with desired behaviors), it essentially elevates sweets in a child’s mind. This can cause kids to become preoccupied with the food itself as well as create an emotional charge around sweets and desserts.

Kids are less likely to have a neutral relationship with desserts when they are only used as rewards and more likely to become obsessed with sugar when it’s up on a pedestal.

For more on this, be sure to check out this post here, including reasons why I actually recommend offering sweets alongside meals and snacks: “Is it Okay to Reward Kids With Sweets and Candy?”

2. It causes a child to focus on the external vs. internal:

When sweets are given as a reward, it also runs the risk of shifting a child’s internal drive to external motivators.

Kids are born with an innate ability to self-regulate their intake and to eat according to what feels best in their bodies - sweets included!

However, when certain foods, like sweets, are only given as rewards, it communicates the message that these foods are scarce, creating a deprivation factor.

A child who doesn’t trust that sweets will consistently be available (rather than just given as rewards for tinkling) is more likely to eat those sweets in the moment - no matter what internal signals are saying. In other words, a child is more likely to eat in the absence of hunger and less likely to listen to their body. 

3. It connects emotion to food:

Positive reinforcement is a powerful thing, and when rewards are connected to food, it makes food much more emotional. Now this is not to say that food should never be an emotional thing.

But when a child receives this message early on in childhood, it can create stronger emotional ties to food, particularly sweets.

Because not only is a child being rewarded with food for a desired behavior, but a child is also likely being praised, encouraged, etc. for going potty.

It creates a dichotomy of emotions with a child’s behavior and food, for example: “You are good  for this desired behavior” which can also communicate that a child is “bad” for not achieving such desired behaviors.

Withholding a desired food or sweet for not going potty can inadvertently create shame and guilt, not just around potty training but food as well. Instead, we want to be focusing on building a trusting feeding relationship with our kids, no matter what is happening behaviorally. 

4. It sends the message that sweets have to be earned:

Potty training isn’t a black or white type of situation, and when a child knows a reward is at stake, it takes away permission to learn and make mistakes. In fact, potty training involves a LOT of mistakes and mishaps, and we want our children to know they’re accepted and loved no matter what happens on the potty.

When a reward is given for going potty, it makes the experience about doing one particular thing. In reality, there’s a lot of learning happening no matter if your child goes potty or not. We don’t want our kids so focused on earning a reward that they’re unable to learn through the process itself.

Because it’s the journey itself, not the end goal that matters most.

We also don’t want our kids feeling like they have to somehow earn the foods they enjoy eating, because in reality, they’re inherently deserving of eating and enjoying a variety of foods - no matter what happens on the potty. We want them to know they have our unconditional support, even if things don’t go as planned or intended. 

5. It takes away from a child’s sense of autonomy: 

If i’ve learned anything in my short time of raising kids, it’s that children want to feel autonomous as they grow up and confident in themselves and the skills they are building.

We want our children to feel successful in the things they are learning and trying and to be okay with making mistakes along the way. When food rewards are used for potty training, it takes away from a child’s inner sense of pride that comes with consistent efforts and learning over time.

When a child learns how to use the potty from a place of internal motivation rather than external reward, it bolsters their confidence and pride in a much more meaningful way.

Similarly to learning how to eat, we want our children to do things on their own timelines, not ours, and the same can be said with potty training. There’s no one right way to learn, and not using rewards, especially food rewards, can increase a child’s sense of confidence in their capabilities. 

How to Reward Potty Training Without Food

With that being said, I think it’s important to do what works best for you and your family. What I’ve found with my kids is that they actually did best when no rewards were given or involved - food or non-food. 

This actually took the pressure off of me as a parent and allowed me to give my kids the space they needed to learn on their own timelines, which was easier when there weren’t any rewards on the line. 

If potty training rewards seem to help and work well for your child, consider using non-food based rewards for positive reinforcement. And remember to communicate the message that no matter, you’re proud of your child for learning and trying. 

This is key for a child to feel successful when learning a new skill. 

Potty Training Rewards for Toddlers

Check out some of these potty training reward ideas that don’t involve using sweets and are just as powerful in creating positive reinforcement. 

You might even consider offering the reward no matter if your child went potty or not to help create positive associations for learning and trying. 

There’s nothing worse than getting into a power struggle with a child who just doesn’t want to go potty, only for them to feel defeated and discouraged for not getting in on the desired reward. 

So keep that in mind however you decide to move forward. 

• Verbal praise or encouragement

• Potty training reward chart: Let your child put a sticker on the chart each time they go potty, wash their hands, etc.

• Use Food Coloring in the Potty: I had a follower share with me this idea of putting blue food coloring in the potty, which turns green when the child pees into the potty. Interesting, right? This could be a cool science experiment for your child to see unfold!

• Blowing up balloons after potty time

• Putting fuzzies into a jar each time your child tries to go potty. When the jar is full, this can be used for screen time, book time, etc. 

• Potty training reward calendar that your child can stamp

• Build a block tower: Using small stacking connector blocks, let your child add a block to the stack after each potty try. Watching the tower grow can be visually rewarding!

Connection With Potty Training and Learning to Eat

As mentioned above, there are a lot of similarities between a child potty training and a child who is learning to eat. Oftentimes rewards or bribes are used in effort to get a child to eat, but this damages their internal motivation to learn and build skills - whether the skill is eating, learning to use the potty, read or anything else. 

This is where it’s important to take a step back and remember that a lot of parenting is not necessarily about getting our child to the end goal, whether it’s going potty or learning to eat vegetables. But moreso, being a safe and supportive place for them to learn along the way. 

One the most powerful ways we can help our children grow is by being responsive to wherever they’re at in their learning journey. 

Every child learns and develops on their own timelines. This is true of eating and potty training. Some kids take longer than others, but there’s nothing wrong with that. 

The best timeline is the one that works best for your individual child, and being responsive to your child’s cues is important to help them feel successful, no matter the skill they’re learning. 

Sometimes, this is hard for US as parents because it takes letting go of our own expectations and desires, and that’s okay! Give yourself and your child all the grace and patience in the world. It’s a process, and you’re doing the best you can. 

I hope this helps support you and your family wherever you may be on the potty training journey. 

Feel free to leave a comment below and let me know what’s helped you and your child with potty training!