Child Self Esteem Activities: Building Positive Body Image for Kids
There’s no question that our children are the targets of diet culture and impossible ideals around weight and body size. It’s no wonder our children are facing more concerns around how they feel in their bodies, with kids feeling more vulnerable about their body image and overall self-esteem.
Many children and adolescents may resort to dieting tactics for weight loss, which can increase risk for various health problems and mental health issues.
Sadly, research shows increasing evidence that dieting is beginning in childhood, even before the onset of puberty. Dieting, weight concerns, and body dissatisfaction have all been reported in children as young as age 7 to 9 years old, with approximately 40% of elementary school-aged girls reporting they’ve tried to diet to lose weight.
These statistics are harrowing and highlight the importance of taking deliberate steps to counter the messages our children will get from diet culture.
While these can seem like an impossible task, given all the ways children will be exposed to diet culture throughout their lives, there are many proactive steps we can take in our own homes.
As I like to say, never underestimate parent power, of the abilities and opportunities parents have to empower their children against diet culture.
Many of us have been targets of diet culture ourselves, and now in raising our own children, we can end the legacy of diet culture - preventing it from entering another generation.
Child Self-Esteem Building: Why Language Matters
So how can we do this exactly when it seems like so much is against us and our kids?
I like to break it down into actionable steps we can take and things we can practice in our own homes. In this blog, I’m going to be focusing specifically on language and how we talk to our children about bodies (our bodies, others bodies, and our children’s bodies).
Why is this important?
Simply put, our children are internalizing messages they hear around them and often interpreting these into ideas about their own bodies, or the type of bodies that are “acceptable” and worthy.
It’s important to begin with the long-term goal in mind. Ultimately, we want our children to be unconditionally accepting of themselves, regardless of their bodies. We want our kids to understand their worth and value has no conditions, and that no matter how their bodies will change over time, their worthiness will not. We want them to believe with every ounce of their being that they are MORE than their bodies. And as one of my favorite quotes says from the founders of Beauty Redefined, “Your body is an instrument, not an ornament.”
We want them to celebrate ALL bodies and body types and not be subject to the narrow criteria diet culture tells us is acceptable in a body.
We can begin to plant these seeds for our children everyday, and with careful attention to watering these seeds, the work we’re intentionally doing with our children can help them flourish into the people they were created to be.
This all starts with our language, how we talk to our children about their bodies AND our bodies. The language we use around bodies in general is also influential in how our children will feel about themselves.
And while these steps may not be easy or come naturally, they can be powerful shifters in changing the tide about how our children grow up to feel about themselves and their bodies.
What Parents Can Do To Help Their Children
So let’s break this down further:
When it comes to using supportive language to help our children build positive body image and self-esteem, here are some key areas we want to be aware of:
How you talk about yourself and your body in front of your children, how you relate to your own body with your child (putting on the bathing suit, engaging with your child in activities)
How you talk to your child about her own body, How you talk to your kids about their bodies and what they’re capable of (helping them learn they’re more than their bodies and appearance)
How you talk about other people’s bodies - body diversity
Engaging in activities that can help your child build confidence and self esteem, body image, etc.
Let’s look at each section below:
How You Talk About Your Own Body
So often as parents, we think more about what we can do and/or say to our children to help support their own self-esteem without realizing this journey starts with US. While this might feel like a lot of added pressure, I want you to think about the small but powerful steps you can take to support your children in building confidence in their own bodies.
Because truly, how you engage with and talk about your own body will project on to your children and have a ripple effect in how they feel about themselves and their bodies.
I know this can be hard, especially if you’ve struggled with accepting your own body or are perhaps dealing with poor body image yourself.
No matter where you might be on your journey, I want you to know this is possible for YOU.
Start by thinking about this: What if you focused on letting your kids hear you speak kindly about your own body?
If your inner voice is critical about your body, it might be hard to voice positive aspects about yourself.
Kids internalize messages about their bodies at young ages, where negative body talk is related to a higher risk of poor body image. Some of the earliest thoughts kids form about their bodies come from what they hear from their caregivers.
So not talking negatively about your body is 1 piece of the puzzle, but what about speaking of your body in a positive light?
Think of the messages you might communicate to your child if they hear you say how PROUD you are of your body, or how strong you feel in your body.
Even if you don’t believe these things to be true, you can begin to change your mindset thru the practice of speaking positively about your body out loud to your kids.
This can be a powerful step to breaking through negative body image for yourself and boosting your kids’ internal monologue about their own bodies.
When your kids grow up, what do you want them to remember about the way you talked about yourself? Many moms I work with can’t remember their caregivers saying anything positive about their bodies. Maybe this is true of you, too?
If so, you can change the story with your own kids.
It might feel awkward, but saying positive statements about your body can be a powerful way to flip the script on what you know about yourself.
Feelings about your body don’t dictate FACTS, and the TRUTH is that you are wholly worthy of love, respect, and compassion as you are, no matter what your body size, shape or weight might be. Let your kids see this reflected in your language about yourself.
If it feels awkward to speak positively about your body in front of your kids - don’t give up. And if you're not sure what to say, save this post for some ideas to help you get started!
You're doing a brave thing. In the process, you are showing your children that all bodies are worthy of celebration - yours and theirs, too.
Some examples of phrases you can practice saying about your own body in front of your children might include things like:
“Mommy’s body is strong because I can carry you!”
“I’m so glad I have these strong arms to hold you and give you hugs.”
“I’m proud of my body for growing you and giving you to me!”
“My legs are powerful for running and jumping with you!”
“I’m thankful my tummy could stretch for you to grow in my belly.”
“I’m glad I can feed my body to give me energy to play with you!”
Practice saying one of these phrases and affirmations about your own body in front of your children, and let them hear and see you celebrate your body and all it’s capable of doing.
Remember, your body is an instrument for helping you live and thrive in your life’s purposes, not an ornament for admiring. Your kids will begin to learn this from you in the language they hear you use about your own body.
Another important thing to remember is that little ears are always listening.
Be aware of anything you might say about yourself and your body in front of your children.
What does your internal monologue look like when it comes to self-talk about your body and appearance? Are you scrutinizing yourself in the mirror or body checking when you get dressed? Is there a scale in your bathroom where your child might see you weigh yourself frequently?
These can be difficult areas to address.
Give yourself compassion and grace through this journey and know that positive changes start with self-awareness of what you’re currently doing and how you want to move forward. Taking intentional steps toward being kinder toward yourself and your body may not seem effective in moving the needle forward. However, don’t underestimate the power of body kindness and again, the ripple effect this can have on your children.
You can practice modeling kindness to your body, even when you don’t LOVE your body.
Loving your body is not criteria for learning to be kind toward your body. You don’t have to wait until you reach a certain point to begin taking steps toward being kinder to yourself. And your children will be a direct beneficiary of your efforts, big or small.
Ultimately, healing your relationship with food and your body can be one of the greatest gifts you give your own children.
How You Talk to Your Kids About Their Bodies
Appearance-based compliments are the norm in our culture. Our kids grow up hearing how pretty they look, how cute they dress, or how cool their clothes are.
As a mom of 4 girls myself, I hear this all the time. And don’t get me wrong - I know these things are said from a place of good intentions.
We often repeat the things we learned growing up, too, where we were praised or recognized for how we looked or dressed. Sadly, it’s what we’ve been programmed to believe is the most important thing about us.
This is our opportunity to challenge these beliefs for our children and their generation.
What if we could teach them they are MORE than their looks?
What if we were intentional about recognizing their unique qualities that aren’t related to their appearance or body size?
I believe this can be a small but powerful step toward helping our kids build confidence in themselves. To help them learn their worth and value aren’t dependent on their appearance.
The tendency is to want to build confidence by offering positive compliments and comments that are appearance based, but again, this can influence the idea that children are worthy and appreciated because of their appearance or body size alone.
Some examples of non-appearance related comments that can help our children build positive body image and self-esteem include things like:
“You’re so brave!”
“You’re so thoughtful!”
“I love spending time with you.”
“You’re strong and capable”
You’re a wonderful person to be with.”
“You’re such a hard worker - I love how you figured this out!
“You’re so kind”
“Wow, you have a great imagination!”
“I love your creativity! Can you tell me more about this?”
You can see these things help identify and name qualities about our children, rather than putting emphasis on their looks.
This might seem like a small step, but it’s such a crucial one in helping our children build confidence in themselves and to understand they’re MORE than they way they look or the sizes of their bodies.
Now when it comes to your children’s bodies, this is one area you do want to be intentional about NOT commenting on. Honestly, there’s never really a good reason to comment about a child’s body size, and if you can stay away from this, this alone can help avoid potential self-esteem and body image issues.
If you are talking about your child’s body, choose to intentionally focus on functionality over appearance, and steer away from any comments that classifies your child’s body size or shape.
For example, “you’re so big!”, or “Wow, you’re such a tiny little thing!”.
These things can get seeded in a child’s brain, where they can begin to internalize messages they hear about their bodies. And again, when we make the focal point of conversations with children revolve around how they look or about their bodies, this communicates the message that their appearance and looks are the most important things about them.
We want our children to feel confident in their bodies, regardless of how they look, and to feel empowered to care for themselves in a kind, compassionate way. We don’t want them to succumb to an unrealistic standard of beauty or become so hyper focused on their bodies that they lose sight of all the things that matter most.
Being aware of our language in how we speak to our children about appearance and bodies can be helpful for this.
One concern I did want to address here is what to do if your child comes to you and expresses concern about his or her body. For example, I’ve had parents tell me that their son or daughter expressed concerns about being fat, overweight or bigger than other kids and were unsure about how to respond.
This can be such a tough area. And if we’re being super real and honest, we have to understand that we live in a culture that is extremely fat-phobic and harsh to people who live in bigger body types. Weight stigma is a real thing, and people are largely bodies are often treated poorly because of their weight alone.
You may have experienced this as a child and want to do everything to protect your kids from this same type of cruelty. And if your child expresses dislike in their body size or the desire to lose weight, you might feel overwhelmed and at a loss as to how to best approach this.
While this is a topic that warrants its own separate blog post, I do want to give you a couple pointers to consider to best help your child in this often tricky situation:
First, hear your child out: Before you become reactive and try to “fix” the issue, consider taking a step back and actually listen to your child. I guarantee you there is something more beneath the surface that your child needs help processing or unpacking. You’re not going to get to whatever that is by rushing to make them feel better. Of course you want your child to feel better about themselves, and a way to get there is to hold space for whatever they’re feeling in that moment. A common reaction to help our kids feel better is to say things like, “Oh honey, you’re not fat. You’re fine just the way you are!” Instead, ask follow up questions to express concern and care. Ask your child what’s been coming up for them that is making them feel uncomfortable in their body? Where else is your child feeling pressure? What’s happening socially or in your child’s environment? Lean in with curiosity and listen.
Second, validate what your child may be feeling: Depending on your child’s age, you can do some education around diet culture - what it is and how it shows up in our everyday life. Normalize any body changes your child is going through as well as any uncomfortable feelings that might be associated with these body changes. Help your child feel supported so they know they’re not alone as they go through these changes. Some children and adolescents may have a hard time communicating what they’re feeling or putting words to what they’re experiencing. Even so, we don’t want them to feel isolated in their struggles, as shame often grows from isolation. Maintain an open line of communication with your child and continue to offer a safe, non-judgement space for them to explore what they’re feeling. Validating their feelings rather than trying to “fix” what they’re feeling is important for helping them work through this.
Build body image resilience: We’re fed this idea that in order to feel better about ourselves, we need to change our bodies, and these are the lies our children may be picking up as well. We want to continually support our children in building resilience against these types of messages by helping them become media literate and aware of the bigger picture of diet culture. You want to help your child become aware of body image disruptions - or triggering events, experiences or ideas that may cause them to feel uncomfortable in their bodies. When they can identify these triggers and name them, it becomes easier to face them and to choose how to respond. When children/adolescents understand some of the bigger environmental factors affecting how they feel in their bodies, they can feel empowered to lean in with curiosity and learn how to better care for themselves and what they’re truly needing. We also want to emphasize body diversity, highlighting that people do come in different body sizes, and regardless of body size, are inherently worthy as they are. ALL bodies are GOOD bodies.
For more help with this, be sure to check out this post here: “Girls Self Esteem: How to Help Your Daughter With Body Changes”
How You Refer to Other Peoples’ Bodies
We live in a culture that objectifies peoples’ bodies, and sadly, this is mainstream across all forms of media. Social media has escalated this to a whole new level and centered self-importance of appearance and body size. Systemically, the weight bias in our culture also centers a person’s body size as the most important factor for success. Weight and body size can be an unspoken criteria for so many things that affect our way of living, including career, relationships, health care and more.
So why is this important to address?
Simply said, if we want to raise children who have a positive outlook on their bodies and who are able to accept their own bodies, we need to address our own weight bias.
What does this mean?
Essentially, we need to take an honest look at how we view and treat other people. Do you have a negative view of individuals in larger bodies? Do you treat individuals in larger bodies differently than you do those in smaller bodies? Do you have assumptions and judgements about people living in larger bodies?
This isn’t intended to shame you but to create awareness around the way you might interact with other people, particularly as our children are watching, observing and modeling our own behaviors.
Our children can’t live freely from the oppressive ideals we’re all subject to in our fat-phobic world if they’re taught to fear people in larger bodies or associate shame and negativity with bigger body sizes.
Because the truth is, we can’t judge anything based on a person’s weight or body size ALONE. Nor is it for us to judge. Offering our children unconditional acceptance for their own bodies starts with us and how we interact with people of all body types.
So take the time to reflect on this: How do you talk about other people’s bodies? Are you engaging in conversations that frequently center body sizes, weight loss, dieting, etc? If so, this can be an opportunity for growth for you, where intentional efforts toward positive change can support you and your children toward greater body acceptance.
This may also include seeking greater representation of body diversity too, so your children are able to see individuals in all body types.
Diet culture heavily promotes the idea that there are only certain types of bodies that are acceptable and worthy. This is easily seen in the types of images across mainstream media which elevate a certain body type and demonzie all others that don’t fit in this narrow, unrealistic category.
Deliberately exposing your child to body diversity - whether in books, the toys your child plays with, the media they consume, and more - can help your child be accepting of all bodies, including their own.
Additionally, be aware of the language you use to speak of other individuals.
Similarly to how you might be practicing speaking about your own body and your child’s body, you want to refrain from any comments about another person’s body.
I think it’s safe to say we’ve all been on the receiving end of an unsolicited body comment, and there isn’t really ever a time when it’s okay to comment on someone’s body. Sadly, this has become the norm in our culture, where commenting about weight and body sizes has become the small talk many people default to.
You can opt-out of this to benefit yourself, the people around you, and your children. Just like you would recognize aspects of your child that are non-appearance related, try doing this for other people, too. Talk about qualities and attributes you appreciate about other individuals that have nothing to do with their body size.
Child Self-Esteem Building Activities
While language around bodies (our own, our children, and other people’s bodies) plays a big role in how our children will feel about their bodies, there are other things to consider as well.
Because the topic of building a child’s self-esteem and confidence is an involved conversation (beyond the scope of one blog post), I will be covering more about this in future posts. However, I did one to discuss one final thing for you to consider when you’re practicing awareness of your language in effort to help you kids build a more positive self-esteem.
This has to do with body trust, and showing our children we trust them as the best experts of their own bodies, particularly when it comes to food.
When our children feel autonomous at meal times and as though they’re being trusted to eat what they need from the foods we provide them, this can help build their confidence, not just at mealtimes, but in all other aspects of their lives as well, including their body image and self-esteem.
When we focus on building a trusting feeding relationship with our children, we are creating a foundation from which they can learn to trust themselves, especially with food and their bodies.
Your language around how your children eat can play a role in this. For example, do you have a tendency to micromanage how or what your child eats from the foods you’ve provided?
This can look like statements such as:
“Are you sure you should be eating that?”
“Don’t you think you’ve had enough?”
“You need to take one more bite before you’re done.”
These types of statements, while subtle, can seed the belief that your children can’t trust their bodies. Mealtimes are an amazing opportunity for our children to learn how to eat and self-regulate what they need from the foods we provide.
Take some time to reflect on your language around mealtimes specifically. If you’ve said statements like this to your children before, that is OKAY. It’s never too late to approach mealtimes and food in a manner that supports your child’s autonomy and body trust.
Similarly to refraining from commenting about your child’s body size, consider dropping comments about what or how much your child is eating at mealtimes too. This can help give your kids the space they need to learn and trust their bodies when eating.
This is a learning journey, so please give yourself grace and compassion every step of the way. Just the fact that you’re reading and wanting to learn about how to best support your child speaks volumes about how much you care.
I’d love to hear from you in the comments below - what is something you’re going to take away from this blog and practice in your own home?
You’ve got this!!