Fear of Trying New Food? How to Get Picky Eaters to Try New Foods
As a mother of a selective eater, I’ve seen my fair share of what fear of new food looks like firsthand.
As a toddler, my daughter would steer clear of any food that was unfamiliar to her and stuck to her handful of safe foods. The sight of new or unfamiliar foods on the table would cause quite a stir. Sometimes, she’d seem visibly upset by something new on the table, like it was the presence of a stranger standing in the room.
Being a dietitian, this was worrisome to say the least. But I knew the answer wasn’t to pressure her to eat anything she wasn’t ready for. In fact, I understood the first step toward really helping her was letting go of my own expectations of how I thought she should eat in order to create the safe spaces she needed to learn to eat at her own pace.
Because the truth is, eating is a skill kids are learning how to develop.
And you know what?
Every child learns differently and at varied paces. Some kids are more reserved and skeptical when it comes to new food. Others are eager and excited to try different things. There’s no right way, and what’s most important is that we’re respectful of wherever our kids are in the learning process.
This is essential for supporting our kids in developing a health relationship with food and building positive associations with eating. If we push them to try new foods before they’re ready or prematurely get them to eat something unfamiliar, this can actually create aversions to the very foods we want them to eat.
Letting Go of the Pressure to Eat
Kids learn to eat best in the absence of pressure and stress.
And sometimes, mealtimes can be a stressful place for kids. Especially if you have a picky eater or a child with sensory sensitivities, mealtimes can bring a culmination of stressors that can be overwhelming.
Many children dealing with picky eating or the fear of eating new foods may feel more stressed at mealtimes, typically due to the assumption that they need to eat the foods at the table.
This can be amplified by added outside pressure to eat, where kids may have been told that they need to eat, or there are certain mealtime rules, where a child is expected to eat a certain amount of food. Children with sensory sensitivities may get quickly overwhelmed by stimuli happening around them during mealtimes, including noises, smells, textures, and more (on top of the food).
For some kids, pressure at mealtimes can push their bodies into a “flight or fight” situation, in which their bodies begin to shut down in response to stimuli that feels overwhelming. This can trigger a biological reaction that stunts their ability to eat or even feel connected to their bodies’ innate hunger cues.
Many kids are unable to express what’s happening for them if this occurs at mealtimes. So what might it look like when a child is shutting down due to feeling pressure or stress at mealtimes?
Here are some possible scenarios:
A child may have a meltdown or tantrum at the table
A child may get visibly upset or distressed when seeing new foods at mealtimes
A child may refuse to eat or come to the table
A child might want to leave the table or have a hard time sitting
A child may have difficulty interacting with other family members at the table
When a child is in this state, it becomes difficult to learn how to eat, let alone try new foods or even want to eat at all.
This is where it’s important to create mealtime environments that don’t add to the pressure and stress kids may already be experiencing.
How can you do this?
Here are some ways to support your child by creating a positive mealtime environment:
Don’t hyperfocus on what your child is or isn’t eating
Focus on connecting with your child
Count how many times your child laughed at mealtimes, instead of how many bites your child eats
Don’t force or pressure your kids to eat anything from the food you’ve served
Make mealtimes a positive experience
Let go of your own expectations about how your child should eat
Stay in your lane with your feeding jobs and trust your kids to do their part with eating
I know these things can be easier said than done.
This is where it’s important to remember that feeding kids is a long-term game. It’s about the marathon, not the sprint. Having this mindset can help you step back to see the bigger picture when it comes to eating and feeding kids.
Ultimately, we want to support their journey in learning how to eat at a pace that is right for them. We don’t want to be so hyperfocused on the minutiae of nutrition that we hinder their ability to build positive associations with food and eating.
Think about mealtimes as the foundation for your child building a healthy relationship with food. On this sturdy foundation, children will naturally grow and develop into healthy individuals and into the bodies they are meant to have.
Trying to prioritize a child eating so many bites of vegetables or eating in a “balanced” way is putting the cart before the house. This is especially true for children who have a fear of trying new food. If we make the main goal getting them to try new food rather than build confidence with eating, it will hinder their progress and likely set them back.
Eating and overall nutrition goes best when kids are able to learn about food at a pace that is right for them and are engaged in a trusting feeding relationship with their caregivers.
How to Get Picky Eaters to Try New Foods
How can you support your child in learning how to eat and build confidence in trying new foods?
The good news is that there are multiple ways to support this process, and MANY of these things don’t actually involve eating.
That’s right - there are ways to help your child build confidence in eating outside of actual mealtimes. In fact, I actually encourage you to help your child engage with food outside of mealtimes and eating.
Why is this?
As I alluded to earlier, mealtimes can be a place that is fraught with stress and pressure for your kiddos, even when you’re being intentional about keeping your mealtimes as low-pressure as possible.
Kids are more apt to be curious about foods when there’s no pressure to actually eat food.
And you might be thinking...what’s the point of engaging with food if they're not actually eating it?
This is a GREAT question, and here’s the thing: Children need to interact with food multiple times and in different ways in order to build the confidence and skills to actually eat. You can read more about this here: “Child Won't Try New Foods? Here's Why Food Exposure Matters”
Just like learning how to ride a bike: kids have to learn, try, and interact with food in many different ways that DON’T involve eating before they feel comfortable enough to consider trying new foods.
This is especially true for kids that have a fear of trying new food for picky eaters that are reluctant to eat anything outside their comfort zone.
Another key thing to remember is that kids learn about their environment through PLAY.
When they’re interacting with food in a safe way that engages their senses, this encourages them to develop their confidence and skills with eating, building on that sturdy foundation of positive associations with food.
Encouraging food play can be an important part of helping children overcome the fear of trying new foods and to help them feel more comfortable at mealtimes. The more they’ve interacted with food outside of mealtimes, the more likely they’ll be able to engage with those foods at mealtimes.
So what are some practical ways to help your child engage with food to support confidence with eating:
Ways to Build Confidence In Your Picky Eater
Encourage Food Play:
Just like kids would play with playdough or mold clay, allow your child to play with food. Ideally, this can be a non-meal or snack time, so it feels less informal to your child, which again, helps diffuse any feelings of pressure.
Ideas might include building shapes or characters out of food, or stacking food, like blocks. Ask your child to help you “build a house” or other shapes with food that you might have available.
2. Encourage Non-Food Play:
Playing with pretend or “fake” food also counts as food play! Does your child have a play kitchen or fake food to pretend with? Let your child pretend she owns a restaurant or that he has a bakery, and you’re placing an order with them. Allowing them to pretend to play with food or pretending to eat also supports engagement with food in a way that feels positive.
3. Read Books About Food:
If your child sees pictures about food and hears stories about food, this can support growth and natural curiosity around food and eating. In this setting, a child isn’t having to directly eat actual food, but nonetheless, is still interacting with it.
Seeing pictures of food and learning about different foods through this avenue is a great way to support confidence with eating. If your child sees pictures of a variety of foods and then sees those foods in real life, they will feel more familiar and less threatening.
4. Play Games With Food:
Similar to food play, allowing children to play games with food can also cultivate positive associations. For example, you can have a scavenger hunt with pretend food that your child might have. Hide the foods around the house and give your kids clues about the food based on colors, shapes, etc.
This can help your child build connections with food that support confidence AND competence, which is key for overcoming food fears.
5. Take Your Child Grocery Shopping:
If your child can see a variety of foods at the grocery story, this can also be a way to spark curiosity and interest. You can also do a scavenger hunt around the grocery store or play games like “I Spy”, where you child has to guess the food you’re looking at in the store.
This can be harder to do if you’re pressed for time or if your child is close to a meal/naptime window. It might be helpful to take a trip to the store with your child when you have a little more flexibility to explore with your child.
6. Explore a Farm or Garden:
Give your kids the opportunity to see where food comes from or how it grows to help spark their interest and curiosity in new foods. This can be especially helpful if your child has fear around eating new fruits and vegetables.
Growing something at home and allowing your child to have some responsibility caring for the plants can help them engage with food in a new way that builds confidence around food. Even visiting a farm or garden to see how food is handled in real life can give your child a new perspective on food.
7. Encourage Engagement in the Kitchen:
Bring your kiddos in the kitchen and let them engage with food to build confidence and learn crucial life skills. It can be intimidating to bring the kids in the kitchen, especially when you’re just trying to get dinner on the table.
But even simple things, like letting your kids wash vegetables or measure out ingredients, can allow them to interact with food in a way that doesn’t involve pressure to eat those foods. The more they see different foods in the kitchen, the more likely they’ll feel confident in interacting with the foods at mealtimes.
You can even set your child up with childproof safe knives to help cut veggies or prep food for the actual meal. Kids love to help and be involved, and this can also support engagement with food.
Stay Focused on the Big Picture
As a mother of a selective eater, I want to encourage you if you’re struggling with a child who is fearful of eating new foods. You’re not alone, and I understand how frustrating the process can be. I know you just want to see your child feel confident with eating and comfortable eating a variety of different foods.
I can also promise you that your child will get there. It takes a lot of patience, consistency and practice. It also means being willing to let go of your own agenda and expectations when it comes to how you think your child should eat in order to give them the safe spaces they need to explore food at their own pace.
Keep the bigger picture goal in mind: In order to help a child overcome fear of new food, they need multiple opportunities to interact and engage with food without any pressure to eat that food.
Offering these opportunities consistently overtime is key to helping your child feel more confident with eating and to develop the necessary skills to learn how to eat and enjoy a variety of foods.
I know it can be difficult at times. Stay the course. Focus on connection over nutrition at mealtimes. Allow many different opportunities for your child to learn about food. And if you need more support along the way, please connect with me today. I’d love to help you on your journey and support you and your family in enjoying freedom with food.
Let me know if you have any questions in the comments below! Which food interaction strategy do you want to try with your child?