Holidays with Kids: 10 Ways to Protect Your Child From Diet Culture
The holiday season is upon us!
With all the joy and anticipation, there is also a dark side of the holidays that can dampen even the brightest of holiday spirits - grinch-style.
And no, i’m not talking about kids who are grumpy about not getting the gifts they really wanted or botching the brine for the turkey. I’m talking about something that subtly sneaks into every holiday season though it’s always lurking in the shadows.
That’s right, it’s diet culture.
How does diet culture show up during the holidays, you might ask? Because the truth is, it saturates all aspects of our lives and food culture. But during the holiday season, it’s particularly strong, popping out in the most unexpected places and throwing shade on all the things that make the holidays special.
Diet culture during the holiday season might look like:
Feeling worried or guilty about eating your favorite holiday dessert
Hearing diet talk as the topic of conversation with friends and family
Having to “healthify” a favorite holiday dish because the regular version is “bad”
Using exercise as a way to “burn or earn” the food you’ve eaten
Being food policed for the foods you choose to eat
Experiencing food and body shaming
Restricting or limiting your intake in order to eat holiday meals
Engaging in compensatory behaviors to “make-up” for the food you ate, like restricting, exercising or dieting
Having an “all-or-nothing” mentality when it comes to food and eating
Cutting out entire food groups or restricting yourself from eating the foods you want
Statements like, “I’m so bad for eating this”, “I’m not going to eat all week so I can eat whatever I want for the big meal”, “I’m letting myself indulge just this one”, or “I’m trying to be good and stay away from carbs”, etc.
Sadly, diet culture spews its negativity right into the New Year, where many people fall into the weight loss resolution, down spiraling into a cycle of food guilt and body shame for another year.
This can be a harrowing reality for anyone. Diet culture strips away the joy and pleasure that should be part of the season, as well as food and eating.
Finding Food Freedom During the Holidays
If you are raising children, you may be more aware of how diet culture lurks during the holidays, feeling more protective in your desire to keep your kids safe from this.
If you’re working on healing your own relationship with food and raising children who are free from diet culture, the holidays can feel like a minefield of triggers and obstacles.
As a mom who is fighting for food freedom, for myself and my family, I see you, and I’m right there with you. Let me give you some encouragement here: You’re not fighting for food freedom all year long just to get tripped up over the holidays.
NO.
Diet culture tries to give food that power over you. But you know what? You are more powerful than diet culture and can make this a season where you’re truly able to enjoy and be present with your family and not white-knuckling food and body shame during the holidays.
I can’t tell you how many holiday seasons and memories I missed out on in my past because of a chaotic and damaging relationship with food and my body. There is NOTHING like healing your relationship with food and reclaiming the memories and seasons that may have been lost because of an unhealthy relationship with food.
And there is nothing better than sharing this gift with your own children, especially during this time of year, so that their memories of the holiday season are not tainted or marred by food rules, guilt, and body shame.
Protect Your Child From Diet Culture During the Holidays
So with that being said, let me give you a few pointers and ways you can help prevent diet culture from trampling on your holiday season and to give the gift of food freedom to your entire family.
I know there are a lot of things listed here, and please don’t feel like you have to do every single one of them. Pick one of two things that resonate with you, and make this your focus during the holiday season:
1.Focus on connection over nutrition:
It’s easy to get stuck into the diet culture vortex that makes parents feel like their kids need to eat a certain amount of food (veggies, protein, etc) - especially during holiday meals.
Don’t fall for the trap! Instead, focus more on connecting with your child and the loved ones in your family.
Connection over meals is actually more important for your family’s well being than any single food you could eat. Don’t worry about micromanaging anyone’s plate - yours or your children. Focus on enjoying the meal, eating the foods you enjoy and taking in the moments and memories.
2. Shut down food and body shamers:
Holiday meals are ripe for conversation that revolve around food and body shaming.
Your Aunt Helen might have an opinion on your postpartum body, or your sweet grandma might have some thoughts on how or what your child should be eating.
Be an advocate for yourself and your child by shutting down the naysayers and diet culture, especially when it pops up at holiday meals.
You can do this by deflecting and changing the subject, or simply saying something along the lines of, “I’ve got this handled, but thanks for your concern”, or, “We’re focusing on building positive relationships with food and our body. Would you like to learn more about how we do this?”
For those notorious relatives who always bring up their latest diets or are into shaming/commenting on other bodies, you might consider setting a boundary and having a conversation ahead of time. For more support with this, check out this blog post here: “4 Ways to Deal With People Who Food Police Your Kids”
3. Give permission to eat and enjoy all foods:
Feelings of guilt and shame often pop up without any invitation at holiday meals - ugh, so rude.
There’s nothing like food guilt that can suck the joy out of everything that’s supposed to be pleasurable and enjoyable. Kids feel the same thing too when they’re told they can’t eat certain foods or hear, “No!” every time they ask to eat a special holiday food.
When you give yourself and your children unconditional permission to eat and enjoy the foods YOU WANT TO EAT, those feelings of guilt and shame dissolve.
You have permission to eat the foods you want, and you know what? When you do, you feel more satisfied and less likely to overeat or binge on other foods later.
Similarly, give your kids permission to enjoy eating special holiday foods without a side serve of diet culture (AKA - food guilt).
4. Drop the Food Rules:
To piggyback on the last point, giving yourself permission to eat also comes with dropping the food rules. Food rules are deeply ingrained in diet culture. “Don’t eat carbs”, “Don’t eat after 6pm”, “Always eat half a plate of veggies”, yada yada yada.
When food rules are the star of the show, you’re less able to listen to what your body actually needs and wants. Food rules means tuning out your body and plugging in to external factors - many which have nothing to do with what your body actually thrives on.
Kids are the same way, too. It’s easy to project our own food rules on our kids - things that we grew up learning around food or ways that we were told how to eat. But you know what?
Kids are the very best experts of their own bodies. Your job is to provide the food, your child’s job is to decide WHAT and HOW MUCH to eat from the food you’ve provided.
So serve dessert with dinner and be okay with what your child decides to eat from the holiday meal - even if it’s only the pumpkin pie. Dropping the food rules helps you ditch diet culture for good.
5. Avoid compensating for eating:
Holiday meals are also known for compensation. Meaning, diet culture associates the idea of eating a “special” meal or decadent foods with the notion that the food eaten must be compensated for. In other words, you’re not allowed to eat foods you enjoy without somehow punishing yourself or making it up somehow.
Common compensatory behaviors around food include restricting or not eating all day just to eat the big meal at night, or exercising to “earn and burn” food eaten. Engaging in this can not only be damaging to your own relationship with food, but it can communicate the message that food can’t be enjoyed to your children. Don’t fall for this common diet culture pitfall.
Remember that eating is the most valid form of self care. You don't need to earn your food or use exercise as a way to “burn” off calories you've been eating. Nor do you need to restrict your intake just because you decided to enjoy that yummy slice of pumpkin pie.
When it comes to your kids, keep in mind that they still need a reliable structure around food. Stick to a regular meal and snack schedule as much as possible on holidays, even with a big meal planned for a certain part of the day.
It’s important to adjust expectations of what kids can reasonably eat at holiday meals. While we might enjoy eating a variety of Keep.your kids to a regular meal schedule on holidays, adjust expectations of what they can eat.
6. Use neutral language around food and bodies:
Diet culture likes to demonize food and certain body sizes, as well as to promote the idea that foods/bodies are good vs. bad.
This type of mentality can easily be projected in conversations around holiday food or with other people. Because food is such a focal point of holiday meals, it’s easy to get stuck into talking about food like it’s a moral thing.
Don’t get wrapped up in to protect you and your children from diet culture. Remember - the only bad foods are those that are spoiled, rotten, or expired. Promote the fact that all bodies are good bodies, and food is something to celebrate and connect around, not demonize.
If you are talking about food, be sure to use neutral descriptors, or talk about it in ways that help a child interact with it in a positive way.
When you can approach food in a neutral way, especially around the holidays, you’re helping your child develop an emotionally neutral relationship with all food, which is an important factor in supporting their healthy relationship with food.
7. Refrain from conversations that center appearance and weight:
Similarly to the last point, avoid getting sucked into any conversations that are focused around dieting, appearance and weight.
Diet culture makes conversations around food, body and appearance as a way to make small talk with others. This communicates the message that food and weight are the most important things about us and ignores other aspects of individuals that really matter.
Don’t settle for these types of conversations around the holidays. Remember that little ears are always listening, and kids pick up on the conversations their caregivers have around food, weight and appearance.
Engage in meaningful conversations that leave this talk off the table.
8. Avoid Healthifying your favorite recipes:
Diet culture promotes the idea that your favorite recipes are not okay as they are and that they need to be “healthified”. In other words, you need to substitute everything that’s not deemed “healthy” in order to make it okay to eat.
However, it’s important to examine the intent behind this common practice. Why do you feel pressure to do this?
And what message is this communicating - not just to yourself but to your children? Kids often learn at a young age that the regular foods they love and enjoy are not okay to begin with and runs the risk of categorizing food in their mind (good vs. bad).
Things like this might not seem like a big deal, but they can complicate food in a child’s mind, muddling the waters and making eating chaotic. Allow your children to learn how to eat a variety of foods, even if you are not fully comfortable eating those foods yourself.
9. Trust your child to eat and self-regulate:
If you’re healing your own relationship with food, it might be difficult to fully trust your child to eat and self-regulate their own intake. The good news is that your child has this innate programming to self-regulate their intake without you food policing them or micromanaging your plate.
Diet culture has made parents believe that kids can be trusted to eat, and this can be amplified if you’re still learning how to navigate food yourself. You might find this to be especially true when it comes to foods that you might not trust yourself around.
For example, if you don’t trust yourself to eat desserts, you might have a harder time trusting your child to eat these foods, too. Try separating your own food experiences from your child. Don’t allow diet culture to cloud your child’s innate intuitive eating abilities.
Focus on doing your part with feeding and trust your child to do their part with eating - holiday season or not. For more help with this, be sure to check out this blog post here: “How to Trust Your Kids With Sweets When You're Uncomfortable With Sugar”
10: Model eating and enjoying a variety of foods:
Lastly, one of the most powerful ways to protect your children from diet culture is to continue focusing on healing your own relationship with food. Children are so impressionable and are constantly observing how their caregivers interact and engage with food and their bodies.
And let me tell you, there is nothing stronger than parent power. As a parent, you have the capability to end the dieting legacies with you and create a generation of food freedom - starting with you and your children. I know this isn’t always easy, and you’re doing such a brave thing. Be aware of your own anxieties and thoughts around food, weight, body image, etc.
Practice self-compassion and get curious about some of your old beliefs and behaviors around food that may no longer be helpful to you and your family. Practice modeling the behaviors you want your children to pick up on, like eating and enjoying a variety of foods.
The holidays can be a great time to explore food and eating alongside your children. And if you’re aware that there are still areas that are challenging for you - that’s okay! Consider connecting to more help and support as needed. Ultimately, this is the best gift you can give to your family and children. For more help, check out this blog here: “How to Raise an Intuitive Eater When You're Learning to Become One”
Diet culture is strong and has the potential to suck away the joy of this holiday season. But you know what? You are stronger, mama! You’re capable of promoting a peaceful relationship with food and bodies to yourself AND your children, during this holiday season and all year around.
From my family to yours, I’m wishing you a peaceful holiday with an abundance of food freedom. Please let me know how I can support you in the comments below or feel free to connect with me here.
Happy Holidays, friends!