Postpartum Body Image Issues: How to Feel Better in Your Body Today
Let’s talk about postpartum body image.
The day my first daughter was born, I couldn’t help but think about all the ways my body had changed through the process of pregnancy.
When I was pregnant, it was easier to be kinder to my body while my baby girl grew inside my body. But suddenly, after I birthed her, my body seemed to be a shell of what I once knew it to be - one that I was completely unfamiliar with.
I struggled with all the aspects of my postpartum body that were part of my reality but completely foreign to me, like the breast milk boobs, stretch marks, weak pelvic floor muscles, hair loss, diastasis recti, and the semi-pregnant body shape.
Rather than focusing on the structure and/or function of what my body was capable of to bring my baby into the world, I was already hung up on the perceived flaws I had about my own body.
As an eating disorder survivor, the fact that I was able to become pregnant and have a healthy baby at all was such a gift in itself. Yet, in some aspects, it was marred by my own disturbed body image that seemed to be triggered by my pregnancy and postpartum body changes.
I know on the surface, this can seem incredibly superficial. I mean, isn’t there so much more than we should be focused on as new moms rather than being consumed with negative body image?
Shouldn’t the joy of having a new baby outweigh any of the discomfort we might feel in our postpartum bodies?
Sadly, the society and culture that tells us to “love every part of being a mom” is also the same one that screams in our face, “Why haven’t you bounced back yet from having a baby?”
The truth is that we are faced with a variety of stressors that make it difficult to embrace and accept our postpartum bodies, including things that are not in our control.
On top of which, having postpartum body image struggles are often misinterpreted by the outside world in ways that completely invalidate what we experience as new moms.
On one hand, there’s a cultural norm that expects women to “bounce back” after birth - to which I say, “Women are not balls - they don’t bounce anywhere!”
Sadly, a new mom can feel like a complete failure for having a body that has been rightfully changed by the process of growing and birthing a baby.
On the other hand, a new mom can seem selfish or vain for struggling with how her body has changed after pregnancy and in postpartum. There is so much happening beneath the surface that often goes overlooked.
Why You Want Postpartum Weight Loss and Better Ways to Care For Your Body
In reality, I think this speaks to a bigger issue that many new moms are faced with, myself included.
Whether you’ve had a history of an eating disorder or not, pregnancy and postpartum brings so many changes that are challenging to embrace, and not just in our physical bodies.
Visibly, what we see (and therefore tend to focus on), are the outward changes, because that is what is tangible to us.
While the physical changes are expected, what isn’t normalized is the permanence of postpartum body changes and why this feels uncomfortable at times.
As I’ve heard it once so wisely described, new motherhood is “brutiful” - brutal yet beautiful as you go through the metamorphosis and life-altering process of rebuilding your identity as a mother.
This process is HARD.
In a time of so much change in every aspect of your life, living in a body that feels foreign to you may seem unbearable.
And while you may feel like the other aspects of your life that are changing are out of your control, there is a false promise that comes with controlling your body size.
Think about it like this: Have you ever watched an ice skater do spins and twirl continuously in a circle? What is the one thing that is necessary for an ice skater to do while spinning to prevent from falling over? The skater will focus on a particular object or spot to maintain balance while whirling in spinning motion.
The process of transitioning into motherhood is similar: the sheer amount of change happening in a short period of time (physically, mentally, emotionally, in relationships, etc), is like getting lost in a tailspin.
As a new mom, you might be searching for that one thing that you can focus on, even temporarily, to help give you any sense of balance when the changes around you feel like they’re spinning out of control.
Typically, this can land on food and body image, because these are things that tangibly feel like things that can be controlled.
This often translates to destructive dieting behaviors that are intended to work in opposition to postpartum body changes.
On top of which, diet culture and dieting propaganda target vulnerable postpartum women who are going through these difficult changes, which further puts postpartum bodies under the spotlight as something that should be scrutinized and criticized.
But let’s step back to look at the big picture. What is really happening here?
From the majority of the mothers that I’ve worked with and from my own lived experiences, I’ve seen how difficult it is to learn and embrace a new identity that comes with motherhood.
No matter how many times you’ve been through this process, each time is different and brings a rediscovery of who you are.
With pregnancy and postpartum, you are likely experiencing changes in multiple aspects of your life that you may not even be fully aware of, including your relationships, aspirations, career, independence, body autonomy and more.
With all the shifting that is inevitability happening, it’s no wonder that you might crave some sense of normalcy.
The physical distress you may be experiencing in your changed postpartum body may be more representative of the broader discomfort you may have from the cyclone of changes and crisis that comes with new parenthood.
We do new mothers a disservice by not talking enough about this.
In “keeping up with the Jones’” fashion, it’s easier to keep putting your best foot forward, especially under the watchful eye of social media.
On the other hand, there is undue feelings of guilt and shame that come with the admission that new motherhood is HARD, even painful at times.
You can absolutely love your children with every ounce of your being and not be in love with motherhood; that doesn’t make you a bad mom, that makes you human.
These are the things that are churning beneath the surface that are often ignored or not discussed.
What we see above the surface is the tip of the iceberg; namely, the physical postpartum body changes. So this is what we focus on and try to change in order to create some sense of stability through the storm.
Can I share something with you (with all the love and compassion in the world, as a fellow mama who has lived through this myself)?
Manipulating your body size is not a sustainable solution for achieving a sense of normalcy in new motherhood.
In fact, falling into rigid dieting practices in postpartum can be a trigger for poor body image, body image dysmorphia, eating disorders, and an increased risk for maternal mental health issues, such as postpartum depression.
These things will only make new motherhood more challenging.
When I hear a mom say that she wants her body to go back to the way it was before having babies, I’m also hearing her share these unspoken messages:
“I want some sense of normalcy in my life again after having a baby.”
“I’m struggling with simple things, like feeding myself and basic hygiene.”
“I miss my body autonomy, independence, and freedom.”
“I’m feeling lost in knowing who I am after becoming a mother.”
“My relationship with my partner feels different and disconnected.”
It’s not uncommon to feel ambivalent toward motherhood, to feel a wide range of emotions as you become a mom.
Sometimes, these feelings, which can be unfamiliar and go unaddressed, may look like shame toward your own body.
The danger lies when food becomes a way to manipulate your body in pursuit of “bouncing back” rather than addressing the root of your concerns.
I’m here to tell you that you’re not alone in these feelings, mama. I’ve been there too and understand how triggering it can feel to live in a body that feels unfamiliar.
I can also tell you that the feeling of unfamiliarity is not just toward your body alone. Those feelings speak of the transition into motherhood, which brings a host of unknowns that you’re trying to navigate.
You don’t have to navigate it alone, mama; nor do you need to suffer silently in shame.
The next time you feel uncomfortable in your postpartum body, can I encourage you to lean into this discomfort from a place of curiosity rather than self-criticism?
Instead of trying to manipulate your changing your body in an attempt to deal with the discomfort, consider this: what other areas of your life currently feel uncomfortable with all the new changes that motherhood can bring?
Maybe you’re having a hard time reconciling who you are as a mom with who you were before you had a baby.
Maybe now that you’re a mother, you’re facing some hard transitions in your relationships, career, or friendships.
We tend to focus on the physical changes that motherhood brings because that is what we can see, while not giving enough attention to all the deeper transitions happening under the surface.
When things get uncomfortable, we tend to pinpoint it on our changing bodies.
Feeling like we can control our bodies may offer a temporary sense of control in a life that has been rocked by motherhood, but hear me out, mama - your body is not broken.
Your body is not the problem, nor does your body need fixing. You are exactly where you need to be.
Postpartum Body Changes Don’t Determine Your Worth
Because of the connection between social media and body image, it’s all too easy to get stuck into a comparison trap with other mothers who might be on a similar journey as you.
You may also be battling your own expectations for yourself, in terms of what you think your body should look like or how much you should weigh after a certain amount of time postpartum.
The problem with these expectations is that they’re too often unrealistic and may create more frustration and angst toward yourself and your body.
If you don’t achieve your postpartum weight loss timeline, this can make you feel like you’re at war against your own body. It’s a lot harder to be kinder to your body or make decisions that treat your body respectfully when you’re in this position.
Again, this is where it might be helpful to take a step back to understand the big picture.
Too easily is self-worth tied into body size, especially postpartum.
While your identity may’ve been closely connected to your body size and appearance before you had your baby, these are not measures of your worth or value as mother.
When you’re in a critical time of rediscovering your identity as a mother, you might default to your body size or appearance because this feels like a tangible measurement.
But remember: your body is supposed to change, and change is normal. This change is not reflective of your innate worth and value as a mother, woman and human being.
Ways to Feel Better in Your Postpartum Body and Improve Your Body Image
With these things in mind, what can you do to help support the way you feel about and treat your postpartum body?
While this list is by no means exhaustive, here are some ideas that you can begin implementing today to help you treat your body with respect through the different changes and seasons of motherhood:
Normalize what you’re feeling:
If you’re feeling stuck, uncomfortable, or unhappy in your postpartum body, that is OKAY. If your body feels foreign to you, or you feel like you want to crawl out of your skin, that is okay, too.
I don’t think we talk enough about the changes we go through as new moms and how difficult these changes are. There is also a misconception that “positive body image” means you need to feel positive about your body all the time, but that is not the case.
It’s more than just a “feeling”. It’s choosing body respect, even when those feelings aren’t there.
Accepting your postpartum body is closely tied to many aspects of your new identity as a mother, and learning to feel comfortable in your new body and role as a mom will not happen overnight. It takes time to make peace with your body, and that is normal.
If you’re struggling, give yourself space to explore these feelings by accepting this as part of your journey. This doesn’t mean it will always be like this by any means. However, it’s important to talk about your lived experiences and give space for how you’re feeling.
2. Adjust your expectations:
Having unrealistic expectations in motherhood can be a trigger for unnecessary feelings of guilt and shame. Releasing these expectations can help you make peace with where you’re at today.
What does this look like in practical terms? When it comes to your postpartum body, do you have expectations for yourself in terms of weight, clothing size or even your recovery and healing?
Maybe you hoped to be wearing a certain size clothing by a particular time.
Maybe you’re waiting to do something until your weight reaches a certain place.
Whatever these expectations might be, it’s important to take an honest look at these and ask you how these are serving you?
Do they make you feel worse about yourself because you feel like you’re falling short? If so, consider what it might feel like to adjust these expectations or let go of them altogether.
Your body doesn’t operate on your timeline or expectations and needs space to be. You’ll constantly feel like you’re at war against your body if you feel as though your body can’t align with your own expectations.
3. Let go of the scale:
One of the quickest ways to start feeling better in your postpartum body today is to stop weighing yourself.
Every time you step on that scale, you’re subjecting yourself to the scale’s approval.
Have you ever stepped on a scale to weigh yourself only feeling like a complete failure for the rest of the day?
The scale is an instrument for self-sabotage, and as long as you’re weighing yourself, you won’t have the head space to make peace with the body you’re in today.
Please know that releasing the scale doesn’t somehow mean that you’re letting yourself go or that you no longer care about “health”.
What it means is that you’re believing that your health is so much more than what the number on the scale tells you and that you’re making space for your own mental health, too.
Especially during postpartum, when your body may be in a normal state of fluctuation, trying to pinpoint your weight with a scale can make yourself crazy.
Mama doesn’t need more crazy. Leave the scales for the fish and get rid of that thing ASAP.
4. Revisit your postpartum clothes:
Do you know what’s interesting?
Buying maternity clothes for pregnancy is totally normal, acceptable, and encouraged because it’s understood that bodies change to accommodate a growing baby.
Well, you know what? Postpartum is also a time of normal body changes, yet, we don’t talk about this enough.
It’s just somehow assumed that you’ll go from maternity clothes in pregnancy to your pre-pregnancy clothes after you have a baby, but excuse me, what?
Postpartum is an in-between-phase too, yet many new moms might not treat this time as such.
Maybe you’ve been squeezing yourself into pre-pregnancy clothes that are too tight or feeling blah wearing your pregnancy clothes after you had a baby.
Whatever it is, I think it’s important to revisit your postpartum wardrobe.
What you put on your body will impact how you feel about your body.
If you’re going through your day feeling like your clothes are pinching you, or your bras/underwear are too tight, it’s almost guaranteed that you won’t feel good in your body either.
While it’s not always practical and financially feasible to buy a whole new wardrobe, it can be so helpful to take a look at what you’re choosing to wear.
Be intentional about selecting pieces of clothing that fit your body now and that you feel good in, including undergarments.
Remember that our bodies are meant to change, and adjusting your clothes accordingly can be a powerful step to help you through this process.
At the end of the day, keep in mind that your clothing size does NOT define you.
5. Detox from your social media:
There is a definite connection between body image and the media.
Understanding how social media affects body image can help you be more intentional with how you spend your time, as well as more proactive about the accounts you follow.
During your early postpartum days, it might be easy to jump on social media and start scrolling, especially during those late night feeds.
But be aware of how it makes you feel afterward. How much time are you spending on social media? Are you mindlessly scrolling?
Do you tend to reach for your phone when you’re feeling bored, stressed, or anxious?
If so, it might be time to take an honest look at your social media time or even from the accounts you follow.
Consider taking breaks from your phone or social media altogether.
This may be even more important for you if you have a history of poor body image and eating disorders.
Again, it’s not forever, but during a time when you might already be feeling vulnerable in your postpartum body, it’s helpful to be intentional with how you spend your time on social media, as well as the accounts you follow.
Consider unfollowing any accounts that promote dieting, weight loss, or any other aspects of toxic diet culture. You don’t need that in your life, mama.
6. Explore the changes in your postpartum life that might be uncomfortable:
Body image, or how you feel in your postpartum body, is a very fluid experience.
Some days, you might feel neutral about your body.
Other days, you may have a harder time living in your body.
How you feel in your body can change drastically from one moment to the next even. It’s important to pay attention to these clues to help you decipher if there are other aspects of your life that may need a little more TLC.
Sudden shifts in how you feel about your body are often related to other important aspects of your life that might feel off.
Uncomfortable life circumstances are often manifested as feelings of indifference toward or in your own body.
Pay attention to these shifts - these are clues.
When this happens, instead of trying to escape the discomfort or “fix-it”, lean into this with curiosity.
What other important aspects of your life are feeling stretched, heavy, or uncomfortable? These are likely the areas that you may need more support or attention around.
7. Act on what you know, not how you feel:
When we think about postpartum bodies, there is often the idea that, “when I lose the weight”, or, “when I feel more comfortable”, then real life will happen.
Well, real life is happening NOW, and you might be missing out on important moments with preoccupation with your body. If you’re holding back on life because of how you feel about your body, you might be waiting a long time.
When it comes to how you treat your body, you need to make decisions to treat yourself with kindness and respect, regardless of how you feel about your body.
Check out this post for ways you can build positive body image and self-esteem in motherhood even when you don’t feel like it.
8. Ditch the postpartum weight loss plan:
Postpartum weight loss is touted as the glamorous, magical cure that will somehow fix everything.
However, restrictive dieting tactics to manipulate your body size and weight, especially prematurely in postpartum, can backfire.
In fact, dieting is one of the most important predictors for eating disorders and distorted body image, which could certainly create more complications for a new mom who is navigating parenthood.
Intuitive eating can be a more sustainable approach, not just for eating, but for improved health and postpartum body image satisfaction.
This also includes movement and learning how to incorporate gentle exercise in your routine that feels good in your body and doesn’t feel stressful or punishing.
Intuitive eating is a respectful approach to eating that positions you as the best expert of your body, which helps you build trust in yourself.
Adopting intuitive eating while postpartum, can also help your body more effectively recover and heal from childbirth, especially in comparison to postpartum weight loss plans that are physically and mentally strenuous.
Overall, I hope you can be encouraged in knowing that there are practical ways to start being kinder to your postpartum body today. You don’t have to wait until your body, weight or size has reached some sort of arbitrary standard in order to begin making peace with the body that you’re currently living in.
If you are a postpartum mom who needs more support, consider joining Lift the Shame, a free online eating disorder support group specifically for moms who are healing from food and body image issues.
Improve your Postpartum Body Image and Self Esteem to Model Body Kindness and Self-Respect to Your Children
When you are intentional about treating your body with kindness and respect, you will gradually start to feel more confident in your body.
Imagine what a powerful example this is for your children when they have a mother who chooses self-respect over what’s socially acceptable, body kindness over body hatred, and appreciation for body function over appearance.
Imagine what message you are communicating to your children when they see that you care and respect your body, no matter how your body might change or the size your body may be.
You are teaching them that they deserve to take up space in this world, that they are worthy as they are and for who they are.
You are sowing the seeds for a healthy body image to flourish for your own children and for generations who come after them.
If you feel like you’re still figuring this out for yourself and are overwhelmed with the idea of how to help your children love their bodies when you may not even love your own body , it’s OKAY.
Know the direction of your goals and keep taking steps to get you there. Your children don’t need a perfect mother.
What they need is YOU, and your desire and commitment to create a difference in their lives will propel you forward.
What has helped you better appreciate your changing, postpartum body?